Rosalie’s Reactions: Hidden Fears


Rosalie Hobbs

For the past few weeks I’ve been searching for something that’d strike me enough to be the motivation for this week’s entry of Rosalie’s Reactions; but the thing is, there’s been so much in my life that’s been happening at once, it’s almost too much to write about.

So this week I’m going to write about something we’ve all been through at one point or another.

With Halloween right around the corner, this week’s topic is nightmares and fears and how they actually affect us in real life.

You see, not many knew this about me, but I grew up knowing my father lived on a very thin line of healthy and sick.

His reality was full of type two diabetes, kidney failure, severe asthma, and an irregular heartbeat to say the least. It was terrifying, and at the meager age of eight, I didn’t know how to process any of it.

Just like any other kid who feared being different I tried my best to keep my dad’s health a secret, but I knew deep down the fear of losing him was the real issue.

As a family we gave up so many things to make sure we gave the absolute best care because his health status kept declining, and in return he gave us his absolute best.

Dad didn’t run from the scary truth he faced, unlike me he made the best of it.

In spite of his health, he kept working at his position of Regional Manager at Reynold’s.

Dad was known to the world as Jack K. J. Hobbs III, a person who kept his word, reasoned with fairness, and got the job done.

But naturally the nightmares of waking up in a fatherless household grew worse with each passing year of seeing the drastic change of his lifestyle; starting with him giving up his job and ending with him being in a wheelchair in the span of almost barely five years.

My nightmare and deepest fear finally took place on Oct. 24th, 2013, after he passed away in the recovery stage of a triple bypass surgery.

The loss of my dad truly changed the way I viewed each Halloween season forever.

Ironically this season is always decked out with ghosts, goblins, and creepy clowns; but it’s the thing behind the masks that actually scares us.

It’s the common fear of getting hurt or watching our loved ones get hurt that threads its way through all of us.

It’s called self preservation, and it’s there to motivate us to stay alive.

Fear itself is only a symptom of self preservation.

The first step of getting over any nightmare or fear is the fact it’s simply a worse case scenario.

It’s knowing that it could happen tonight but there will still be a tomorrow.

The universe will continue moving on and you have to let go, because It’s happened and it’s done, and you’re still alive.